Healing

Exercise has taken a back seat to circumstance, surgery, and recovery this month. Yesterday I was able to take my first walk, and I am getting ready to head out for another (hopefully longer) one today.

I can’t even remember the last time I took a break this long from activity, and I know I still have a few weeks to go before I am cleared to do all my usual exercise. However, I have to say it has revealed so much to me about God and his ability to truly heal. He has used this time to show me where my identity is found.

So what has he revealed…

I am so dependent on Him, not my image. That is a lot coming from a recovering anorexic with severe body dysmorphia. 3 yrs ago, a break like this would have sent me into complete panic mode! I would have wondered every day, “how much ground have I lost?” or “How much weight have I gained?” or “How long will it take me to get back in shape!!!!?” 

Now, I’m not going to lie. I have had a very swollen belly (due to the nature of the surgery), and I have had moments of “Err when will this thing go down!?” haha…but nothing emotionally catastrophic! It’s so unbelievably liberating and exciting! If I look just the way I do with two red scars on my stomach and one in my belly button, and the bloated belly never subsides, I will not be one ounce less beautiful or usable in the kingdom of heaven. In fact, I might be MORE beautiful and MORE usable for His Kingdom!

I often wonder, If individuals who are really into fitness and maintaining a certain image, would feel just as confident if life threw them a curve ball that kept them from maintaining that image? In fact, I have wondered the same about myself. I mean most people in the fitness industry are preaching about health but also self-esteem, but where does the self-esteem really come from? Which came first the chicken or the egg? The self-esteem or the hot body?

I was hesitant about getting into fitness even though I felt strongly led by God, because I do not have the six pack abs, defined bi’s and tri’s, and popping quads. I am just a girl with a history of severe pain over my image, who was healed by God through His love and ability to transform my perspective about what IS HEALTHY! He showed my that exercise is essential, but not at all for the reasons people think. Which leads to the second thing he revealed to me….or should I say strengthened in me…

I NEED to exercise!!

Not exercising has been hard, but not in the way most would imagine. After just one week of not strength training my knees began to ache. I have weaker knees and ankles, I  have since I was a child. People used to tell my parents that I needed braces on my legs. I literally could not run! Working out keeps me free from pain, and I am not the exception. This is true for EVERYONE. If you have achy bones, you need exercise. Its a fact! The stronger your muscles, the less stress on your bones! Bam! Ask anyone who used to suffer from pain, who lost weight and began exercising. They will tell you the same. It brings the ultimate relief. Feeling achy was such a great reminder of how much I need this in my life! And it has nothing to do with how I look!

Secondly, My mental state! Ooohee I am in the middle of it! I told Stephen yesterday, “I don’t know how anyone gets through a day without exercise because it makes me feel sad!” And once again, not because I feel ugly, but because my brain needs the chemical response to exercise. Endorphins are not a happy accident! They are placed there by the master of design! He created bodies that need work, and those little happy hormones are some pretty strong motivators! That’s why I promote an easy slow start to exercise. Let the natural happy feeling and stress relief that comes with exercise pull you in, before you start slamming yourself with massive goals and insurmountable pressure! Both of which, nix the impact of endorphins pretty quickly.

This brings me back to the glorious walk I am about to embark on! I have an amazing praise playlist ready, and I am looking forward to thanking God for my health. While, I can’t wait to get back to full on sweating, I have such peace in Him. 

So what am I trying to say here?……..

Relax! Hand over the “pressure gun” you have to your head and replace it with the beautiful things he created to bring you peace, happiness, and health. Good food and exercise are not mountains you have to climb, they are blessings dispersed along the amazing journey that is your life! Remember, there is only one you! Never was one before you and there will never be one after you. You are so insanely beautiful in your one of a kind uniqueness. Your purpose is solely your own. Relish in the plan God has for your life….

…and go take a walk 🙂

I love you!

Alaina

 

Being Hard On Yourself? Become A Victor!

How do I cope with and overcome self torture?

GOD!

When the enemy knows your button, he will push it over and over again. He doesn’t go looking for other angles when he already knows what works. For me it has always been, “self torture.” You don’t have to tell me I screwed up, because believe me I already know and I am putting myself through a good mental whooping!

I had even convinced myself that my self torture was a virtue. It kept me humble; I would never run the risk of becoming cocky or conceited, if I always had something to improve on. My main area of focus: My Body! Dieting and exercise fueled by self hate resulted in nearly ten years of yo-yo weight loss and gain. It is a destructive trend that many people fall victim to. It is like building your house upon the sand….it is weak…it will fall. (where do you think BOTR came from?)

Do you look in the mirror and hate what you see?

Do you position yourself in a room, so that others don’t see the ugliness you feel you are?

Do you decline invites to events because you feel unworthy to be seen?

Do you hide away and eat your emotions?

Are you convinced that this is your destiny?

Let me tell you, all the things that hold you back are lies from the enemy!

Here is the truth:

“And yet, O Lord, you are our Father. We are the clay, and you are the potter. We all are formed by your hand.” (Isaiah 64:8)

[Jesus speaking..] “What is the price of 5 sparrows – 2 copper coins? Yet God does not forget a single one of them. And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid. .. you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows.” (Luke 12:6)

I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my spokesman to the world. (Jeremiah 1:5 NLT)

At some point a seed of doubt or insecurity is planted. It is easy to come by in our society. The enemy feeds and waters that seed, and watches it grow all around you, binding you up in its thorny vines. The great purpose of your soul contained within, starving. What a cleaver way to attack our souls, but through our bodies.

Ooooh your getting to deep now, Alaina!! Am I? Or am I not getting deep enough?

¹² For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. ¹³ Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. ¹⁴ Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, ¹⁵ and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. ¹⁶ In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷ Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Ephesians 6:12-17

Your struggle with weight, self loathing, or destructive behavior is not a struggle with your body, it is a spiritual struggle. The best first step in getting healthy is giving your health to God. Take your eyes off the mirror and put them in the Word of God.

I went to therapy, I read books, I reached weight loss goals, I wrote happy little quotes about being beautiful and plastered them all over my wall, but nothing helped but Him.

Why? Because he defines my uniqueness — because he made me!

Do you believe God made you?

Don’t answer that really fast. If you were raised Christian, it is really easy to proclaim that but not grasp its implications. Think about what it really means to say, “I KNOW GOD MADE ME!”

When you KNOW God made you, you also know that you are exactly what He wanted you to be and what this world needs you to be. I mean we are talking about OUR God here! Our God is a God of great purpose. Nothing is by accident! When you look at yourself in hate you are stomping out your light, and we need your light. There are things that truly only you can do, There are people that only you can touch, and there is change that only you can facilitate. God made you a perfect vessel for those plans. SO don’t fight against “flesh and blood”, don’t give satan the same old button to push! When you decide to make healthy changes in your life, do it for God. Look in the mirror and shout “GOD MADE ME! I AM GOING TO LOVE MYSELF HEALTHY! AND I AM GOING TO SHINE MY LIGHT!”

Thank you for inspiring me! We are in this together! God loves you XOXO

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Built On The Rock..What Does That Mean?

Ya’ll my heart has been so heavy lately. I feel like every where I look, I am seeing GMOs here, Healthcare crisis there, people numbed out on drugs or food, others absolutely fixated on becoming “skinny” sex symbols. I started a twitter account last month to connect more with people. I am amazed, however, by the images I see. There might be a tweet that says “Inspiration”, I click on it and see a picture of a young woman in a thong with all of her butt exposed. It breaks my heart beyond words. (Now Twitter isn’t all bad..It is full of incredible and encouraging people. I will remain there because thats the only way we can make an impact.)

The more I delve into this thing called “health” the more The Lord reveals to me. When you ask Him, “Break my heart for what breaks yours.” He does not disappoint! He keeps my mind flooded with this mission. So I thought I would elaborate on what “Built On The Rock” really is…(Basically what I think about all day long).

Here are my points of passion:

*Beauty~What is beauty? Beauty is God’s creation, YOU! Before Eve bit into that apple, there was nothing but beauty. “At that moment their eyes were opened, and they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness. So they sewed fig leaves together to cover themselves.” Genesis 3:7 Most people look at this verse and see it as a reference to only “certain parts” of their body. But Im inclined to believe it was much more. Could it be that at that moment, the devil bought our beauty with an apple? That the very first doubt or insecurity happened when we looked upon ourselves in that moment? Could it also be that this was one of his most powerful moves to debilitate and distract us? Here is the break through moment: God sent his son to wash that away. When he looks upon us, he sees us as he made us….before we ever met that slithering snake! Remind yourself of that the next time you look at your body and feel ashamed!

*Self-Esteem~ I place this right after beauty because it flows from that, but it does not solely depend on that. It is built on something far more valuable. It is built on knowing you are an essential part of His Kingdom; a piece of His body that cannot be replaced. The worldly view of your appearance has absolutely NO baring on your incredible value! This is what I turn to when I struggle with my self-esteem. This parable reminds me that, for me to be happy, I need to be grounded in God and not this world!

“Then he told them many things in parables, saying: “A farmer went out to sow his seed.  As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up.  Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root.  Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants.  Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown.  Whoever has ears, let them hear.” (Matthew 13:3-9)…Later in the passage Jesus explains…”Listen then to what the parable of the sower means:  When anyone hears the message about the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what was sown in their heart. This is the seed sown along the path.  The seed falling on rocky ground refers to someone who hears the word and at once receives it with joy.  But since they have no root, they last only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, they quickly fall away.  The seed falling among the thorns refers to someone who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, making it unfruitful.  But the seed falling on good soil refers to someone who hears the word and understands it. This is the one who produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown.”(Matthew 13:18-23).

*Health~God is the designer of the human body, not a Big Bang followed by billions of years of macro-evolution. We are the center of his creation and everything else was made to feed us when we’re hungry, and heal us when we are sick. He is the life sustainer and His gifts in nature are proof of that. “Their fruit will be for food, and their leaves for healing” (Ezekiel 47:12). What is amazing is science has proved this over and over again. In nature we find foods that directly benefit each and every system in the body, and leaves that provide countless medicinal benefits. When we stray from this truth and play with our foods, we are straying from the riches of health that God wants us to have! In addition to eating right, God calls us to labor, to move, to be active. It is evident in how our bodies respond when we do. Remember, we were created in his image and he is a mover and a shaker. God created the perfect ratio of work to rest, which is 6:1, then Jesus says it was made for us! In Mark 2:27, Jesus reveals that, “The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath.” When we work too much without rest, we get ill. But when we rest too much, with out work we get ill too! That is why he urges us to labor our bodies, then take a day of rest. It is a beautiful and fundamental way to honor, worship, and thank him for the life he gave us.

The World~Here is where we all need to ban together. It is my belief that Christians should be leading the way in everything- and in the case of this particular mission, Health! You will never see pictures of me showing my flesh, flexing my abs, or doing anything to shift the focus from health to the image of my body! Can you imagine if being healthy wasn’t so strongly associated with certain images? So many more people would try to get healthy. Because it would be about feeling great, the noticeable decline in illness, the reduction of prescription drugs, the joy of being able to climb a flight of stairs without knee pain, the happiness of being able to play all day with your kids, the increased clarity and memory, and the confidence to live with freedom and purpose. Wow, what an amazing thought!

How can you make a difference in the world?

–Be modest

–Don’t purchase magazines or support websites that promote sexualization in health and fitness 

–Educate yourself about health, fitness, and the dangers of prescription drugs, processed foods, and GMOs

–Share God’s love with others, be an encourager

–Watch what you say–Eliminate words like fat, ugly, skinny, boney…

–Pray for the self-esteem of our youth

—Get Healthy!!

–Bring God and Health into your work place. Our society needs us and so does our economy (Thats another blog I have planned).

Bottom line be the difference you want to see!

If you believe in the mission of Built On The Rock :: Faith & Fitness please share this with your friends, so we can all grow stronger together! Love you all!!

Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/BuiltOnTheRockFaithFitness

Twitter: https://twitter.com/BOTRfitness

If you are looking to make the first step in toward a healthy lifestyle join us in our June Plank Challenge! The prize is awesome 🙂

My Story ::: My Mission

Hello Friends! If you have read the “about” section, you have a little glimpse into who I am and what I hope to achieve through Built on the Rock Faith and Fitness. But today I would like to share a little bit more about myself.

When I was very young, the seed of physical self-loathing was planted. I was chubby, but not aware of it until I saw my reflection through the eyes of others. It was how I was treated by family and the world around me, that made my weight a reality. I became aware of what was deemed “beautiful” and what was deemed “ugly” way too soon, and I was definitely “ugly”. My little ears over heard conversations about being “skinny” or being “fat”, what was “sexy” or “gross”, and how a woman was valuable only when thin. I felt this extreme weight on my shoulder, because I was never going to be beautiful, therefore I was never going to be valuable. I grew up believing this more than I believed anything else, and it literally handicapped me.

In high school, I developed an eating disorder. It was an easy way to become what I felt the world wanted me to be. It was also an outlet for my sadness, and an area of my life I could control. My bones were sticking out and my hair was brittle. It was obvious something was wrong but very few people seemed to notice. Looking back, I think my fellow high schoolers thought I looked good, maybe even wanted to know what I was doing to get so skinny! Luckily, my mom caught it and began helping me recover.

After high school, you could say I was “healthy” because I was eating again, but I was far from it. The sheer hate that I had for my physical appearance continued to grow. I wasn’t starving myself any more but I had developed a pretty nasty relationship with food. Sometimes I would eat a lot and gain weight, sometimes I would run a lot and diet and lose weight. Regardless, I was never happy with myself. Let me rephrase that, I was never happy with the way I looked. One thing I did accomplish in my 20’s was an appreciation for Me. I knew I was smart, I knew I was humorous, and I knew I was kind and loving. I liked a lot about myself, but I was taught that my physical appearance negated anything good about me. So I lived life that way.

In 2008, I got married and moved to Kansas. Kansas was really hard on me for many reasons. In fact, it was probably the second most difficult period of my life. I entered into a deep depression, where survival mode was essentially my capacity for life. I gained 30 lbs and lost a lot of self worth. Then in the summer of 2010, we were relocated to sunny Florida. It was there I decided to put my health a priority. I was going to lose the weight and finally have the body I always dreamt of. Through weight loss, I just KNEW I would find confidence! HAHA!

I worked really hard and I did it! For three years now I have maintained a healthy weight and I did it all the right way, the healthy way. But in the midst of it, I noticed my mindset was not changing. I still saw “gross, fat, ugly, Alaina” in the mirror. In fact, it got worse!! More and more pressure felt like it was mounting on me. Workout more, run faster, compete, compete…..

This wasn’t the plan!

And then one day, in the middle of doing my bible study homework, I was asked to list the ways I was self-centered. I instantly thought “skip” because I am soooo not selfish. Then the author stopped me in my tracks- she wrote, “Self-Loathing is a form of self-centeredness too!” WOW!!! I was SO self-centered! From that point on my prayer life changed. I began asking God to uproot that seed planted long ago, so that I could better center my life around Him and what is good. One by one he has unlocked the old rusty shackles that have bound my hands and feet my entire life. He has taken off the lenses of this world and replaced them with His lenses.

Whats even more amazing, is that rather than giving up health and exercise, he changed my view and asked me to do the same for others as well. He took my greatest weakness and asked me to glorify him with it. God wants us to be healthy, he wants us to take care of the body he gave us. He just doesn’t want it to rule us! Our society, has taken many gifts from God and twisted them to the point of devastation. Our body is one of those gifts. It is the very first gift God gives us and it remains with us until we see him again. We are to take care of it for one purpose, to honor God with it. When we exercise and eat right to honor God, we reap the true benefits of his gifts. He designed our bodies to feel good when we are doing the right things. He wants us to have energy and feel happy!!! Unfortunately, our society has taken this gift and made it about image and vanity. People who are unhealthy feel defeated when trying to get healthy because they are faced with images that they feel they will never obtain.

What if we lived in a world where everyone was beautiful, and exercise and food were sources of joy and strength? We didn’t abuse them to find comfort or to achieve lofty goals, we used them to release stress, make our bodies stronger, and just feel amazing! SURPRISE, thats the world God intended us to live in and we can still have that.

My Mission:

Lets start a Health and Love Revolution! We can be his hands and feet! We can show the world that being healthy isn’t about a number on the scale or 6-pack abs. We are meant for so much more!!

So much more on “my mission”, and how I think we can bring this piece of his Kingdom to earth, to come…